Compromising Me for You!!

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why am I giving all of me and not getting anything in return?” I think almost everybody in the world has asked that question at least once. If you haven’t, good for you. Sometimes, relationships can take a lot from you. Whether good or bad. And sometimes compromising for love can break you. When you compromise, sometimes you end up doing things you wouldn’t normally do. The thing about compromising is, it is so natural. We don’t even realize we are doing it.

You always have to make sure that when in a relationship, you are not only making your significant other happy, but you are happy also. Compromise is necessary in all relationships, but to what extent? How far are you willing to go to have a relationship? I think so many people give in, just so they won’t be alone. It is not worth losing your integrity to be in love. At least not for me.

No it doesn’t always mean sexual compromises. Even though for some Christians that is the one thing they give up. You can give up so much more than that. Sometimes it means giving up dreams for someone else. Settling with lack luster goals b/c you are afraid of being lonely. Having kids that you know you may not be ready for. There are so many ways you could possibly be giving up you for them. Nothing and no one is worth your happiness. If you are meant to be, then both of you will make sacrifices not just one of you. It often causes regret and resentment. You may end up living your life wondering, “Why did I turn down that job or maybe we should have stopped at two kids.” A lot of relationships suffer b/c of this. Don’t let yours be next.

So sit down and ask yourself, “Am I acting out of character? Would I normally do that if I wasn’t with you?” I think some of us will be surprised at our answers. Then ask yourself, “Is it because I don’t want to be lonely?” If you answer yes to that one run for the freaking hills. So let me know if you have compromised before. I want to know if it was one way or both of you all were giving in. One last question, do you think Christians compromise a lot?

*MUAH*

Child Support: Ladies You Are Not Exempt!!!

Seriously, you are not exempt for having to pay up!! Women always want the man to pay up for his children. Whether he is a good father or just a baby daddy, y’all want that money. Which we all know only 25% of that money goes on the child. SMH! But what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? You women flip out when y’all get served with papers. Yes, this situation is rare but it happens. I should know. I am watching a coworker of mines go through this. She is beyond pissed that her ex served her, with not only C.S. papers, but full custody of a child that she hasn’t seen in years. (No desire to see any of her kids, except the one she got)

I told that monkey she is not exempt to paying up. I feel if you made it, then you should take care of it. If the shoe was on the other foot she would want that money from him. It’s only fair that you being a man or woman give into your child’s life. Stop quitting your jobs (she has threatened to do this) so you don’t have to pay. Stop whining that they took half your paycheck, I don’t care. You should have kept your legs closed.

It’s sad that people even have to bring in a third-party, but if you do please just handle your responsibilities. Women should get the same treatment when it comes to paying. You aren’t special because YOU decided to let him take the kid, so you wouldn’t have to keep it. So if you would want his money then best believe he wants yours. The judge won’t give a rats butt about you crying because you don’t think it’s fair. A real mother would have done all she could to keep that child and made a way for them to work it out. But since most women aren’t real with themselves, these are the type of situations they end up in. Just know C.S. is good. Why? Because you should want your baby to have the best in life. That requires money. Yeah yeah love too!! But money is gonna help them to survive. It is also good if you are a deadbeat mom. Like not visiting your kids, sending money says, “I may not like you but I will support you”.

So ladies, pay up if you are in this situation. Don’t be like men and run from it. You should want to do this. If you can’t afford the payments, talk to the father or whoever has your kids  and let them know. I am sure they will work with you. Honestly, I think even if the grandparents have the kids, you should pay them!! #justsayin Pay up or shut up because the non payers have a lot to say about how their children are being raised. No say so until you do right by your kid.

*MUAH*

How Many Times Do I Have To Tell YOU!!!!!

How many times do I have to tell  you that being a hoe is not cute? I read this blog today that had me very disturbed! I can’t remember the name of it or the author; just know it proved to me that women don’t mind being hoes! The blog was about a young woman sleeping  with an engaged man and being proud of it. HUH? No ma’am you should be ashamed. It’s one thing to not know he’s engaged but she knew. She felt she did nothing wrong. To top it off, she was upset when he broke it off b/c he would be marrying that week. Now, I won’t keep rambling about this wack blog but I will say this… The way you get your man could be the way you lose him.

No one seems to have morals anymore!! I can’t understand, how you can try and justify the fact that you are a hoe! I always would hear females say, I can care less about her feelings! Well, there will be a chick who will not care about yours. Karma is somewhat real to me. I feel like you can get everything back that you dish out. If you sleep with married men, then when you get married be prepared for a life of worries. I did a post similar to this already about Miss Keys! You regular basic b****** aren’t excluded from this hoe sh**. It’s not cute at all.

He will not leave his wife for you! If he does then more than likely you will not marry him!! SMH I went on a twitter rant earlier about this! I was so irritated b/c I know so many women do this. What’s the point? There are plenty of men out there for all of us. You don’t have to take someone elses. Not cool! I am done b/c chicks like that annoy me! They make it hard for us WOMEN who want to be in a stable relationship. We already have to keep these men happy, now we have to worry about if he is stepping out on us. Now, he is wrong also but this post was for you! So if you are a hoe, please do society a favor and STOP! You are worth more than that, don’t limit yourself to someone elses man!!

*MUAH*

Blog Post

Is there anything you want to ask me or want me to blog about. Please feel free to let me know. I will do my best to blog about it if I have an answer. I want you all to like reading my blog. Yes, I know I am long-winded! I will work on that. Email me at jsu3129n@gmail.com or tweet me @ JeTaraSpeaks!! Please let me know what you feel. Matter of fact every one who reads, send me two question via e-mail, tweet or leave a comment and I will do a blog answering them!!

Work Relationships: Are We Too Comfortable?

I had to ask myself this question just this week. I am starting to feel like I am too comfortable at my job. I work with a lot of interesting people and sometimes we get our personal relationships confused with work. This can definitely cause problems. Especially when you are in management. Yeah, I have a lot of respect problems. When I first got promoted, I was putting down the iron fist. (I am the youngest manager, everyone is older than me) So I definitely had to fight to get respect! So when I started I was being… I guess tough. I had people talking to my supervisor about me.

The main problem would be that I wasn’t friendly enough. Now let me explain their friendly. Friendly to them is not a “hello how are you” no it’s more of telling them all your business. I never have been much of a talker, so when I decided to step up, I knew that could work for and against me. So after many pow-wows with my manager and  her feeling as if I am not friendly enough. I lightened up and began to joke and kid around with them. A year later, I have no respect. Why? Well, I became their friend and stop managing them. I never wanted to mix our work with our personal relationships. But, in the end they won and now I have big problems.

See, I knew my approach was correct the first way. I was cordial with them but that was it. They knew I meant business. Now, I can’t even get them to do hardly anything without some type of back talk. I was never mean to them. NEVER, regardless of what they could possibly say. See, since I don’t talk much I am almost mute half the time. I can go an entire day and only talk to you about work-related issues. They weren’t having it and neither was my boss. They take things like that personal. They don’t realize that, that is the way a WORK environment should be. Even though I was nice, I had more rules during shifts. Working in a restaurant where everything we do can be seen, means we have to be careful of everything we do. I had a one cigarette every two hrs. rule. No unnecessary breaks. All the usual things most employers require. But after getting a lot of complaints that I made them WORK too hard I had to figure out ways to make my shift easier. (Most of the complaints came from the ones who sat on their butts during other shifts)

So, I basically let them smoke when they feel like it. If they want to sit down and chill then it’s whatever. And to be honest, I have gotten more laid back myself. My work has slacked off b/c just like they are buddy-buddy with me. I am the same with my boss. I like her don’t get me wrong, I just see her as more of a friend sometimes. So the respect has pretty much jumped out the window. There are six managers at my store, and none of us have the respect we need. When I came to this realization, I knew that I had to personally fix a few things.

First, the old manager in me is coming back. I will go back to how I started. They may not have liked me but I had their respect. I have a lot of relationships I have to fix. I have to wipe the slate clean with all of them and start completely over. Because a few of them I can’t stand to work with. I have to speak with my boss also. She has the tendency to be too involved in their personal affairs and that also crosses the line. I warned her to stay out of their lives that don’t involve work but I get ignored. I know for a fact that this will end up biting her in the butt. How I know? Because, of how they talk. Some of them don’t really like her in their business, unless they involve her themselves. She crosses the line in a lot of ways but that’s another post.

I will have to let her know that, I don’t want to know anything about these people anymore. Why? Because the more I know the more I judge them, not on their work but about their personal lives. I do good keeping my business to me. Always have, I am not open at all. So they know only what I allow them. Which is nothing. I may say something here and there, but it’s never really nothing serious. I have one guy that I dislike so much. Yes, he has a smart mouth but I dislike him b/c of what I have HEARD about him. So does she. She continuously talks to his gf about what she should do in her relationship. SEE!! This is where I mean the lines have been crossed.

Another reason I knew I had a problem was when, I would come back off of a vacation or break and they felt like I owed them an explanation as to where I was. No sir I don’t owe you that. They would stand there waiting and when I say that’s my business, I end up getting a talk about being rude. No, they need to know their place. Now they do my boss the same way and she hates it. So I guess she see how I feel. So since I am like that, I get called uppity and that I am being mean and rude! SMH!

I don’t care what they do but when I am there those will be the rules. Your emotions stop at the door. You leave all your problems in your car. (Which only a handful have, that’s an entirely different post) We won’t come back telling what we saw someone doing during their free time. The only reason we know so much is b/c they all live in the same (no lie) trailer park. So one of them, we will call that person MODAMOUTH comes and tells everything.

She will be getting a talk from me also. It’s not her place to tell their business. If they want us to know they will tell us. She never tells her own business. How ironic. So, to rap this up, I will be working on being their manager and not their friend. I don’t need their friendship at all. I just need their respect. No hanging out!! Which I don’t do and that also pisses them off. SMH!! I will be having talks with some of them to wipe the slate clean and moving forward! So to answer my question. Yes, I was too comfortable at work and so are some of you. Not anymore!

*MUAH*

College Is It a Waste?

To so many people college is the “American Dream” but for some it is nothing more than a waste of money. Just tonight I watched a twebate (tweets+debate) on twitter about obtaining a degree, and whether it was necessary for success. I even joined in and told them how I felt about college. I felt that, both women had a point in what was being said because everyone should have an opinion. One of the ladies felt that everyone didn’t need college to be successful. (She had a slew of peeps who agreed. Majority had no education of any sorts) The other felt people needed some form of higher education to get some form of success. Both ladies made valid points on why they felt the way they did. So since they made their points, I will give mine.

College is awesome for people who want it. But that’s just it, you have to want it. Now, let me give you some insight on my experience with college. I am still enrolled in school. College was never made as an option for me. I remember being in high school and repeatedly saying that I didn’t want to attend college. I also remember the backlash I got from my relatives on the subject. So yes, I felt obligated to go. I remember how upset it would make them that I, didn’t want to further my education. I didn’t feel the need to. Why? Because what I wanted to do, I felt wouldn’t require a degree. Now let’s fast forward to now. I still have the same feelings about school. I hate waking up to go and work a 9-5 then go to school. I hate the unnecessary classes they force you to take. I hate how my tuition goes up yearly and I have to pay that all back. I hate how I don’t have time to do anything fun. I hate how my dreams have been put on the back-burner for the “American Dream.”

Now, that is not saying I haven’t learned anything. I learned how to become better at writing my music. I learned how to pull my creativity out more. Yeah I know not much. But college is an awesome tool to better yourself. Most people who go to college and finish think differently than peeps who didn’t. As I read majority of the tweets in the debate. I saw the difference between the educated tweets and the uneducated tweets. I noticed that a lot of people didn’t understand what higher education meant. It doesn’t mean a college degree! It means you took some form of class to better yourself in what you like to do. If you like to write and you want to make money from it, honey you will have to go to at least one class. Even actors go to classes to better their craft. You can tell the ones that didn’t.  So, yes some form of education is necessary. A Pizza Hut manager has to take classes to get moved up. (I should know) It doesn’t matter what you do, you will need some lessons on it.

So is college a waste? No, it can help you to fulfill your dreams if you let it. Is it mandatory? No, you don’t have to go to college but not everyone can succeed without it. But you need to do something to help better your craft. Whether it be a trade or just a few classes. Not everyone is going to be in the entertainment industry or an athlete. Not possible. So decide for yourself if you like college or want to go. If you don’t, then don’t make others that do feel as if they are not achieving a goal. If you do, then don’t make the ones that, don’t feel bad about not going. It’s up to you on what you do with your life. Success is only obtainable when you achieve it at your own standards.

*MUAH*

 Oh yeah and it’s waste not waiste!

Living The Saved Life!!

This lifestyle is not necessarily hard but it does have challenges. I decided to start doing right by God. I was never too much into the world but I wasn’t completely with God either. I made the decision to live for Him very sporadically, it didn’t take much convincing or debating with myself. I grew up in church so I know right from wrong but sometimes the kids who attend church regularly or all the time are the one’s who slip up. We tend to run away because we are curious about what is out there. Some of us find out that there is nothing the world can offer us. I found that out quickly.

Now, I knew my transition wouldn’t be too easy but I didn’t expect it to be the way it has been. For one thing, I am always bored. Mainly because all of my friends are still out there. So, when they go out I just chill at home or when everybody is getting drunk I am just chilling. I have never did either too much but… ok whatever your girl like them margaritas. Not much of a clubber, so that was a breeze. The big problem was explaining to the homies about the change. Since they don’t understand exactly what is going on, they feel like I am being a lame or stuck up. I am neither. I just chose to make some changes. Now I have a long way to go but I feel like some people are going to get dropped. They only see the now and how everything is just so much fun. I am looking towards the future because I want to make it to Heaven.

I need people who, whether they get it or not they will support it. I need to find some Godly things to do because when you been in the world it seems like there is nothing to do. Plus clubbing was free, and living right is somewhat expensive. But I am willing to pay the price because Jesus paid it for me.  I have been saved since I was like five, seriously I prayed the prayer early but I found myself and still do sometimes praying the prayer often. I am working on going to church because I still get bored. I am proud to say that I have begun tithing and that excites me.

I can’t wait to get to the point where all of these things come naturally. I once was a consistent tither and I went to church regularly but once I came to school I slacked off. Not anymore because I love living and I don’t want God slacking off on my breathing. So I will be updating on my journey because it is definitely a journey for me. Like I said I got a long way to go and a lot of demons to fight but I am ready for it.

*Muah*

Should Christians Have Test Run Marriages???

Should Christians be allowed a test run before marriage? This was a discussion me and some friends had recently. It was so interesting that I opened up the discussion for my tweeps. I received many interesting answers. Most of them were no’s but I had a few yes’. Now, let me explain what I mean by test run. A test run would be maybe two weeks or a month of living together, no sex, just to see how the other person lives. I have no earthly idea how we got on the subject but to say the least, it was interesting.

My feelings towards the test run? Well, some days I can understand where people are coming from. You don’t always want that surprise of who you are marrying. Trust me some people get the shock of their lives. When you get married, you can see what your mate is really like. When dating sometimes things can be like a fairy tale. You don’t always see them at their worst but only at their best. So yeah I understood exactly where the yes’ came from.

Now would I? No, I think I want the surprise of knowing what he will be like. I don’t want to know what he looks like when he wakes up. I feel like if I let God put us together then we should be good. I just remembered where this conversation started. I know a couple who I feel probably should have test drove the marriage thing. Not sexually because that is what people think I mean, but they should have explored each other in the natural habitats. (I feel like I am talking about animals). Any who I am on the outside, somewhat, looking into their marriage but I feel that one of them maybe got a rude awakening to the other. To sum it up, the mate was sweet in the beginning and something serious now. I just felt like maybe if they could have learned more about each other, their situation would be better. (Yes some marriages are just situations) Yes people change but, such drastic changes should be a sin. I take that back they should not have test drove it but they definitely should have waited till they were sure. That’s another post, don’t worry. Not them but waiting in general.

So should YOU, my reader experiment with marriage before you make it legal. My suggestion NO! But, it is up to you. I don’t think it will make too much of a difference, because while dating, you should be taking that time to get to know each other. This is the time when you should be learning as much as possible about the other that way you will know what to expect (somewhat anyway) when you get married. If anything, you should wait till God puts that person in your life that way you won’t have too much to worry about. To me marriage is like a full-time job that majority of people quit and get the unemployment check for. Whether you live together, or just experiment for a while you will have to put in work. So chill peeps, no need to test drive your mate because as long as you follow God you should be good.

*Muah*

Response of a Response “What If The Sex Is Bad? Does A Christian Have Options”

I read two blogs on the subject. I was so excited to read the original blog (http://elev8.com/daily-offerings/what-if-the-sex-is-bad-does-a-christian-have-options/) because the author sometimes does a really good job on expressing his feelings. Then I read the response (http://davidisms.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/response-to-what-if-the-sex-is-bad-does-a-christian-have-options/) which was the first post I had read on this particular blog, so I had no expectations. Both blogs left me disappointed. They were well written but I felt as if I still didn’t have the question answered. (I read both twice to see if I would feel different) Once again, I read the comments from the original post. I agreed with one of the comments. A young woman said she would continue to pray because she still had an unanswered question. So do I, so I decided to try and answer the question.

Now I did agree with both about divorce. Christians should not have the option of divorcing. The only problem was; that wasn’t the question he posted. He didn’t ask us about divorce or whether we would leave if the sex sucks but rather what were our options. I felt that divorce was his main focus and that he never even tried to answer. As a Christian we have several options about sex and our marriage. A lot of times we as Christians get confused about what we can and can’t do in our marriage.

So many churches teach on sex and they all have different approaches about what is wrong and what is right! In my honest opinion, I think whatever you choose to do in your marriage bed is between you and your husband/wife. Virgins don’t have much to worry about. Why? Because they followed Gods’ plan and waited, therefore they won’t know any difference but that doesn’t mean they won’t get bored. For the people who don’t wait there are several ways you can spice up your sexual side. Here are your options.

Sex Toys: I feel as if there is nothing wrong with purchasing certain toys. I wouldn’t want to bring a vibrator in because that is like sleeping with someone else. The few toys I think  that can work for a married couple are: Stripper Poles, handcuffs, massage oils and all the toys I found on www.book22.com. They had a very nice selection as to what you could use to help out your sex life. I know a few Christians are raising eyebrows, but why not? Why can’t you bring in a few toys to help the two of you out? It’s no sin in it and no harm.

Sexual Positions: You should try different positions while married. Missionary doesn’t have to be the only position you all do. How boring! Let your wife hop on top if she feels comfortable. No back door entry! Not cool. Try different positions that would not compromise your beliefs and if missionary is your only belief then so be it.

Oral Sex: This one is by far the most talked about activity. I feel it’s up to you if you take part in oral sex. It’s not in the Bible as a sin. Therefore, I doubt there is any harm in it.  You have to make sure it’s something that you and your spouse agrees on.

Hopefully, I helped to answer the title question a little better. Your marriage bed is yours. Meaning not too much you do will be considered a sin. You just have to make sure that, you are comfortable within the marriage to be open and honest about your needs. You can’t expect your spouse to know what to do if you don’t tell them. And yes, virgins can tell the difference eventually, so these tips may even help you. You have to make sure you discuss your beliefs before marriage that way you won’t marry a nympho and you be a timid person in bed. Honestly, sex should be discussed before marriage to a certain extent. Meaning making sure you are both lining up with Gods’ plan for your sex life and marriage period.

These were my opinions and thoughts. You don’t have to agree. I just know that if God created sex for married couples wouldn’t He want us to enjoy it? Yes he would. So therefore, I feel you better do all you can to make it exciting and worthwhile because remember marriage is to death do us part! Oh yeah make sure you check out Stuart McDonalds’ blog on wordpress and Elev8. He is very insightful and like I said he expresses his feelings well sometimes.

*MUAH*

Why Didn’t Take Anything? Because God Said Not So!!

“Why didn’t they take anything?” Ugh, that is the most annoying question anyone can ask a person. I received that question several times Tuesday. Monday night someone came into my apartment preparing to steal. Well, me being a very soft sleeper jumped up and scared them off. I am so grateful that God was with me. My roommate made a mistake by leaving the door unlocked, therefore the entry wasn’t forced. God had Angels watching over us and our things. The robber opened my bedroom door; I sat up in my bed and looked as he ran out and slammed my front door. Now what is weird is I had no fear. See, God is always with us even when you think He is not.

He was with me through it all. I give Him all the credit because I know I didn’t stop them alone. I dreamed about my apartment being robbed and I should have called it down, but instead I didn’t. God sent a warning but I ignored it. Never again! The reason people kept asking me about them not taking anything, was because my PS2 is in the living room. They had to pass it to get to my door. I feel God placed an Angel in front of it to protect it.

I am so happy they came to my door instead of my roommate. Why? Because I have God with me at all times and I am covered by His blood and surrounded by His Angels. If they had of went in her room they would have robbed us and got everything. Instead they walked to my door b/c my light was on. They needed to check and see if I was sleep. Ha Losers God woke me up! He said NOT SO!! You can not mess with His children. It won’t work. I thank God for His love and protection. He showed up and showed out. No fear was in me and I am still peaceful.

God said fear no man and honestly I didn’t. My mother even said I was so calm while talking and she was frantic. (I called her five minutes after) So yeah, I was calm. I slept very well the next night and I told God thank you for everything because without Him I would have nothing in my apartment.

I just wanted to blog about what happened on Monday. We are well and living. Like I said thank you Jesus for protection.

*MUAH*