Why are you still single? If you had a man you’ll be much happier.
“Some dick will do you good.”
“You need a husband to take care of you.”
Yes I know you’re thinking people don’t say things like that to you. Think again. I’ve heard all of these statements before and yes they irritate me everytime I hear them. To know that there are people who genuinely believe that in order to find happiness a relationship is needed is crazy to me.
As a 26 year old southern woman with no bf, children and no genuine desire for a relationship. I’m viewed as a lonely, sex deprived future cat woman in the making. Now majority of the statements above come from men. A few women have agreed but most times men are the ones who think I need a man to save me. I honestly think that they believe that their penises are magic and it will find you happiness, cure loneliness and end world hunger.
I hate to be a bearer of bad news but being in a relationship is not the key to happiness. If that was the case, then people wouldn’t be running through gf’s every six months. Me personally I’m okay with being single. Right now in life I’m not concerned with sharing my time and energy with someone else. I’ve been focusing my brain power on myself and my future. Yes, I know it’s possible to focus on both you and a relationship but right now I’m not willing to do both.
Plus I’m busy. I work ten hour shifts and I have too much personal baggage to have to deal with someone else right now. I feel like I don’t have time but honestly I don’t feel like making time either. Relationships are work and I’m not ready to put any real work into someone else at the moment.
This came across my Twitter timeline yesterday. I personally have mixed feelings about it honestly. I understand why so many people are for it but for me it’s not a requirement for us to share a lease before marriage.
Most feel they want to know everything about a person before they say I do but I don’t. There’s certain things I want to learn about him after marriage. Plus most times people rarely get married once they’ve stayed together for so long.
I just wouldn’t want to get that comfortable before I get my wedding papers. I mean for me if we’re living together, signing leases and sharing bills then we should just make it official. Plus some men/women get so comfortable that they don’t see the point in marriage because they’re already in a common law marriage.
Knowing everything about my future spouse before marriage seems to take the fun out of finding out about his quirks after marriage. So my opinion if you want to live together before marriage then that’s fine but unless I knew we’re getting married for sure within a few months I’m not here for it.
These are just my thoughts on living together before marriage. Curious to know what others think about this. Let me know in the comments section.
I know the title is long, weird and somewhat creepy but it came to me during my nap. So don’t be alarmed by it. Just follow along I promise it will all make sense in the end.
Last week I was filling out job apps and becoming frustrated. The fact that I know no matter how many I fill out I still probably won’t like the job can be disappointing at times. I know that “working” is not for me in a sense.
I went to sleep that night and clear as day I heard, “why are you settling”? It shook me and caused me to stay up majority of the night. The question was something I’ve asked myself many times but never had an answer to until now. For years I’ve been following the voice of the devil but the voice of God woke me up that night.
See the bible says that Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy. Yeah I know I’m not dead so he hasn’t killed me. Never been robbed so he hasn’t stole from me and I’m still somewhat sane in the head so I haven’t been destroyed in a literal sense. However, I have allowed him to kill my dreams, steal my confidence and destroy my drive I once had.
Satan has this way of getting in our heads and making us feel inadequate. His voice doesn’t sound evil like we like to believe. I’m convinced it sounds like you. Just a regular voice. When God speaks I’ve never heard a loud boom or anything but I always know when He speaks.
Settling and becoming comfortable is easier sometimes. It’s easy just working to pay the bills and become complacent. It’s easy to wake up and go somewhere I don’t want to be and get a check.
I’m not religious but I do want to become more spiritual. I’m gonna believe God that I stop allowing the devil to speak and do a better job listening to Him. I know settling is not something He wants for me or anybody really. So I plan to give writing my all. There’s no reason why I can’t fulfill all the dreams and goals that are in me. This will be a journey but I’m ready to finally listen to the voice of God from here on out.
P.S. I did this from my phone so excuse any grammatical errors.
I know I wrote a post on friendships a while ago but lately I’ve noticed that a lot of people still do not know the difference. I think it’s pretty ridiculous that adults are still confused about friends and frenemies. This won’t be long because I wrote on this before but be careful who you talk to and confide in. I was on twitter (the place where niggas never meet but always beef). I watched an exchange of people going back and forth with each other and secrets and text were all online for the world to see. Let me say this so y’all will understand. Everyone you meet is NOT your friend. You shouldn’t be telling secrets to folks you really don’t know. Friendships are relationships and just like your “romantic dealings” they need time to grow. Stop rushing to be besties with someone just because they seem nice.
I know we all love twitter or whatever but be careful in who you confide in on there also. I have met some great people on twitter that I speak with offline but at the end of the day I don’t know them niggas so I am still careful of what I put out there. I do this in my everyday life also because I am cautious with my feelings. Y’all just gotta chill. Jesus Martin Christ. Just figure it out and if you need some help click here. Maybe that old post can help you out some.
Happy New Year Je’Tara Readers! Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday and brought the new year in safely. I wanted to give you guys some type of update on my life and the future of Je’Tara and the future of me. So here goes.
Twitter started this trending topic called #2010memories and I opted out because I really didn’t have much I wanted to remember. This was a hard year for me and very stressful. I cried more than I ever had, hurt more and for the first time didn’t have any push to try and fulfill any of the dreams I have. I mean, I didn’t attempt anything but this blog and even that became to hard to keep up with. I wasn’t able to focus on anything because I was so miserable and honestly I fell into a depression that I am still digging to get out of.
I am happy that 2010 is over but this new year doesn’t feel any different to me. I think I still feel the same because I am still at the same job, apartment and since Saturday nothing has changed. (Not that I expected a change that soon.) But now that we are in a new year I do hope to improve on a few things in my life. I pray to some way find all the dreams I buried inside me again. I wanna start back writing daily again. Start back my vocal lessons. Working out. All sorts of things that got put on hold this year I wanna do again. I mean I wasn’t born to be normal and comfortable and I plan to not live my life like that again. I wanna see Je’Tara (the blog) grow and expand.
I wont make any promises as to when I will be posting or how often. I think that was my biggest problem last year. I was saying I would do weekly post and when the day came to do them, I had no subject or either was too stressed to write anything. I got so excited when I started getting emails to write for different sites and when I saw my numbers go from a few hits a day to a few hundred that I got a little in over my head. So from here on out I am gonna take this blogging thing one day at a time.
Now on a personal note, I wanna start living. I been existing in the world for too long and I wanna know what it’s like to live and be free from everything. I heard my cousin say that he was free from people, especially family and people who wanna be family but have not quite made it yet. (That last part you had to be there to get it.) At the time it didn’t make much sense but today I think EXACTLY where he was coming from. So I wanna become that this year. I just wanna be free to be who Je’Tara is and not concern myself with what people think I should be.
Hopefully months won’t go by before I update again. Hopefully I get the drive I had when I first started and start back saving the world one post at a time. Wait… Okay so maybe I wasn’t saving the world but a few people were getting something from what I was saying.
Okay I gotta get ready for work so I will see you guys sometime in the new year!!! Enjoy your year and make it the best year of your life!
Yesterday, MTV announced the first ever MTVTJ. I don’t know all the details about the job but I do know that it was a job that many bloggers desired. The prize was a job with MTV and 100,000 yearly. Now for many working for MTV would be a dream and the pay would be the most exciting part of the deal. Well they announced that GabiFresh would be the first to do the job.
Now I knew the shade and bashing was coming. Gabi is a beautiful plus size girl with a great blog. She isn’t well known in the blog world but obviously, she was known enough to make it as a finalist. My timeline (on twitter) jumped off after the announcement. There were people asking why would they let the fat girl win? You had people RT’ing their fans saying that they should have won. I mean shade was everywhere.
For one, why does it matter that she is fat? Like she dresses better than most women I see on a daily basis. She gives out great tips on how to be a fashionista on a budget. (I like that.) And she stays true to herself. She doesn’t sell out on her blog. Or keep it cute to keep the checks flowing in. SO honestly I would prefer someone like her because I know she will be more honest about entertainment and her information is more valuable.
I knew a few “bigger” bloggers would be upset. I mean here is this girl who only has about 10,000 followers on twitter, blog (guesstimate) probably get half of that in hits a month and she won. The contest was open to everyone. Not just bloggers but to everyday people. (I said that like bloggers aren’t everyday folk.) We all had the chance to get our followers to vote for us. But most were so inconsistent with it that it was their own fault they didn’t win. Which proved they would be inconsistent with the work because the job calls for heavy tweeting.
I don’t know I just feel as if the jealousy is so unnecessary. I mean here is this black blogger, who not only won for herself but us also. There is no black blog who is as big as TMZ and Perez Hilton. This may help her blog gain some recognition and in turn may help a few of us also. The blogging world is growing rapidly. I just don’t think I will ever understand how people can hate on someone for doing something so great. Or be jealous because they didn’t work hard enough to win the prize.
Stop the blog beefs because honestly that ish is getting old. Stop throwing shade because it’s not cute. Ugh okay I am done, plus I filled my quota for my Monday blog. Yay!!!
I am (having this conversation) speaking with a friend about relationships, religion and beliefs. So to brief you on it, here is the dilemma. They have different religious views and they feel differently about sex. Now both have A religion but not the same one. He feels that sex before marriage is not right. Which biblically, it’s wrong. She feels differently. He feels that he is in love. They have been dating for six months and to me it’s more of infatuation but who am I to tell a man what he feels? She tells him she doesn’t feel she is right for him and that SHE would bring him down because she knows that he loves God more than her. To sum it up, his feelings are hurt because he is “In Love” and he really wants it to work but he knows it won’t.
Me personally, I am not going to throw away a good man because our religious beliefs are different. I don’t feel like it should be a deal breaker. Now when he asked me what I thought, I took a minute to think. I explained to him that I understood the sex situation. When you believe in how God planned it out then you aren’t going to want to budge on it. Especially if the other person lets you know that they aren’t willing to change or even try to abstain. I felt that he was doing the right thing by letting her go because she didn’t feel the need to wait any longer. I let him know that temptation is EVERYWHERE and that when you feel tempted you are gonna want someone there to stop you. Not seduce you or let your hormones run free. I also told him that I think she is a great woman for being honest with him and letting him know that she didn’t want to hold him back from his spiritual relationship.
I then proceeded to tell him that when it came to religion, it’s just a word. Christianity, Baptist, Jews and Catholics are just words. You can look them up in the dictionary, they’re probably in the thesaurus. But the relationship with God and Christ is where his focus should be. Many people have religions. They can walk around all day and throw up their religion set and c walk all through church reppin Christ. But without a relationship it means nothing.
It shouldn’t be a deal breaker. I think the only way I would be like, it’s a no go is if the person is an atheist. Then I know we would be battling about a lot of religious subjects. I mean why would I throw away a man because he is Baptist or Jewish? Considering it seems as if the pickings are slim to none, why would I let religion hold us back? Especially if we are in “love.” I am at a point in life where I am trying to see the beauty in everything. And a different religion and culture would be beautiful. Yeah we would maybe have a few tiffs here and there about certain things but not enough for me to say, “Naw my boy, I gots to go.”
Now I know some are saying, well what about church? If we are different religions then we won’t be in the same church. Umm yeah you can make that work also. Visit each others church every other Sunday or when you all worship. I just don’t see it as a big deal. I think you have to really want a relationship like this to work. Because religion is always a touchy subject.
Readers what do you think? Do you think religion and beliefs are a deal breaker? Do you think my friend is crazy because he is choosing NOT to have sex with this woman before marriage? What are your thoughts in general let me know in the comments section.
I choose to be my own person, that is gonna take some people some time to get used to. Don’t want to conform to the image that others want of me.
The Battle of YOU!
You are in a boxing ring, your opponent is masked and slowly throwing punches. You fight this person regularly but can’t figure out who it is because they are masked and you are accustomed to them. The fight is always the same and you always lose. This particular fight you win and the masked identity is revealed. It’s a clone of you. All these years you have fought you. You’re confused about it because why would you battle yourself? The only problem is, you are fighting your “created” image instead of the person you are.
I think a lot of people try to live up to the images that others create for them. Which ALWAYS ends up in a fail because it’s not who you truly are. The older I get, the more I find out who Je’Tara is. The more time I spend by myself, I learn that I like being with my thoughts. Not many people I know understand it but it gives me time to think about life, what I want out of it and a lot of other things.
As we live and grow, we get our own thoughts, sayings and create our own image. But when we are children thoughts, sayings and our image are placed in front us and we have no choice but to take it. You are like human puppets. They pull the strings and you perform depending on the string pulled. You get told to act this way and not like this. Don’t say this but say that. Worship this God but not that god. Wear this but not that. Everything is handed to you for you to conform/take to.
Then the teen years come, your peers and television began to tell you how to “be”. Since these are your more impressionable years you sometimes get lost in the image of what your peers want you to be. Then you are watching television and videos and they are feeding your image to you with flashy colors and lights and your whole self is becoming one ball of confusion.
Now you are an adult. And you are in a continuous match and each time you are finding ways to beat it. You start questioning who you are vs. who you want to be. You begin thinking of all the training and teachings you got as a child and wonder do they still apply? You basically wonder if you are your true self or the image of another?
You get to a point where you are tired and ready to win. So you put up your best fight and sucker punch that stranger bish in the mouth and win. You finally get control over you and your thoughts. You no longer worry about what others think or care about their suggestions. You become the image that you want and let your fictional character go. You start pulling the strings and performing your way. This is how it should be.
For those who like regular talk, Be you! Don’t be concerned with what anyone thinks or says because in the end NO ONE but God (if that’s your belief) matter. Their opinions shouldn’t have any relevance when it comes to your facts or life. You can take the suggestion and politely ball it up and trash it, if that’s what you choose. If you do something they don’t like screw em. You wanna be a hoe then screw me. (Cause you know I’on like it.) My opinion don’t count. To end this BE YOU and not a copy of someone else’s made up image for you.
I got a box where suggestions go but I don’t really give a f*** it’s probably best you know. (Drizzy Drake said it best. It’s my favorite line he EVER said.)
*Not to be pulled from this site*
I kept trying to figure out what I should say today to my dad for Father’s Day. I got nothing. I wanted to dedicate a post to him but I couldn’t come up with anything inspiring or heartfelt. I really wanted to be able to put my feelings here for him because I know he visits from time to time. I knew that I wouldn’t see him today, which is beginning not to bother me as much as I get older.
I’ve never really celebrated with him, so I don’t have an idea of what I am missing. Today probably wasn’t the day to do a post for him anyway because this holiday is suppose to be positive. So next time, I guess. I guess all I can really say to him is Happy Father’s Day. Nothing more than that because that’s honestly all I feel at the moment.
Oh yeah Happy Fathers day to God! He is the bestest. Oh yeah and to my Uncle A.R. (Not the one y’all read about.) Now that was and still is the greatest father figure I know!!!
(Decided to be positive so this will be the only Father’s Day Post I do today. I know I wanted to do two but why not let them have their day.)
Tonight’s episode of the Boondocks was based off the little boy in the video. Latarian Milton stole his grandmothers car because he wanted to do “hoodrat stuff”. When I first turned to the show I was behind so one of my followers had to fill me in. Then I remembered him and his other run in with the law.
Even though every episode has been funny to me, I never forgot that each episode is someones real life. If you follow the show I am sure you remember this little song.
When you laughed, did you get it? We all remember Barack becoming the President-Elect and I remember the joy and excitement I felt when he won. I also remember a lot of “blacks” only voting for him because HE was black. Aaron did an entire episode based off that. Go here for a detailed synopsis of the episode. To me, Boondocks makes some of us more aware of our community. No matter how hard I laugh, I end up sitting back and asking myself, “Is this how we look to people?” Then I have to remind myself that not only are we watching but so are they.
They are watching this show with us and laughing with or at us. I like how he made each character significantly different. Because we are different. I know a lot of people hate the show because the N word is used often by Riley in each episode. All black people understand this show! I don’t care how many of you try to play stupid and say you just don’t get it. I know you do. A lot of the people who hate it, are people who are pissed that he is opening our world up to the world.
This show is controversial in every way. From the B.E.T. episode (which was by far the most honest) being banned because the owners didn’t like how he exposed them. Not only are they making us look stupid but they dumb us down in the process. He showed how if MLK Jr. was to come back for a few days, how disappointed he would be at where we are at.
His episodes expose racism, white privilege, self hate, religion, obesity, nig**try, rap, R.Kelly, snitching, homosexuality and many other things that we struggle with as A.A. Is the show offensive? Heck yeah and I wish it wasn’t the last season because we need to be offended until we do better.
It’s too much going on in our community for us to ignore. For three seasons we have had someone trying to throw hints at us about whats going on but no one is taking it. Either you only see how comical it is or you are too angry to wake up and change things.
This episode had one thing that struck me. It was a white man who felt that since this seven-year old child was a juvenile delinquent he should be locked up or dead. A few things happen and the white man tells Riley to let the little boy die because that is what he deserves. Regardless of what anyone thinks, a few of them are trying to kill us one by one. This episode showed us just that. Most of you knew that prior to.
Don’t get angry when he uses the N word because our community uses it daily. Don’t be angry when he talks about nig** moments because we have all had them. Get mad that you probably aren’t doing anything about it. Get mad enough to figure out ways to not fit any of the stereotypes. Get mad that we keep killing each other. Be mad that a lot of our kids can quote Waka Flocka better than they can say their names. Get made about things like that. It is what it is. Now it’s just public.
“Why keep talking if no one ever listens?” – Huey Freeman (Love this line from the show. Like I said he is telling us stuff now listen.)
For episodes go to www.thehoodnerd.com He has this season so far.
(Gangstalicious on the pony is hilarious.)