I often ponder this question. Mainly because I am a black, SINGLE, and a woman (by choice, fear and no one interest me). I posted this as my daily twitter question and the responses were good. Here are a few…
1.) because they r not putting up with bs
2.) I think our culture has accepted the baby mama/daddy syndrome
3.) It’s all women. it’s about settling. There are those who won’t settle for less & don’t marry, those who settle 2 soon & don’t.
4.) We are still single because we don’t know how to submit (as a whole) we are least likely to marry because we settle for dating
All great answers but what is the one thing we ALL notice??? Every answer was negative. I realized that after reading them repeatedly. None of them uplifted the black woman, just pointed out our faults. Now, I am not saying that these tweets had no truth behind them but are there not any positive reasons about why we are single? I guess not to some people. I wanted to share my feelings about why I think we are single and touch on the tweets I received.
There are several reasons that I feel we are single and most of us forever. One is that we are too headstrong. Tweet number one points that out somewhat. That person said we don’t take no mess from men. Yeah I agree to a certain extent. Sometimes, us not taking no mess turns into us not taking anything at all. We start confusing their truths with our mess. When you get to the point as to where you can’t distinguish the difference, then you are looking for a life long sentence by yourself!!! All men don’t lie!!! Accept that and stop holding them all to it.
The baby mama syndrome was the best!!! I swear I felt she took the words right out of my mouth with that one. We settle into just being the baby mama. I really dislike that phrase but honestly, some women are just that. We don’t always LEARN how to do anything else in our relationships. The patterns we may have seen as children, sometimes carry into our adult life. I know me personally am making sure I don’t fall into this trap. We have these kids with men, with the promise of a ring and well we all know how that goes. So many women go 10 years without a ring and some get the ring but until you get the wedding you still just his baby mama. So many of my friends aquaintacies are in this horrible cycle.
Settling! Yes ma’am you were so correct with that tweet. We as BLACK women settle more than any other race if you ask me. Just like above we settle for just being the baby mama. We settle for being a sidechick. We settle for less than our worth. I already touched on this in a earlier blog. To sum it up I never can never understand how you let your guard down for men. A man is wired completely different, so for him just being in relationship or some type of committment is a huge step. Don’t just take that. If you want marriage, then speak up and say that is what you want. If he doesn’t then baby girl you need to dip out. Sometimes we marry, the wrong person. Yeah, most of you know that prior to your I Dos’ but you still do it. Why? Because you don’t want to be alone. I rather be myself than be with someone who makes me miserable.
The last tweet will not be touched on much in this blog. Why? I devoted an entire blog to it. Point blank she hit it on the nail. Submission is hard for women now days, and black women definitely struggle with this. That is all for now with that one.
So did I agree with the tweets? Yeah, I did. I wish we had some positive reasons about why we are single but being single forever is not positive if not by choice. I wish that we can learn to love us, so we can let someone else love us. That will be the first step for us. Then we have to learn to stop taking what we feel we can get. We deserve so much more than just the bums or the men who only want to call late at night. We deserve men who want to not only give us the world but give us the truth. Re-evaluate yourself and when you are done, ask yourself what do I need to change about me, so that I don’t die alone and unhappy. Matter fact ladies, black or white but black especially write down ten reasons why you are single and get back to me!! I will post mines up tomorrow. I can’t wait for the responses.