Why Are Black Women Single???

I often ponder this question. Mainly because I am a black, SINGLE, and a woman (by choice, fear and no one interest me). I posted this as my daily twitter question and the responses were good. Here are a few…

1.) because they r not putting up with bs

2.) I think our culture has accepted the baby mama/daddy syndrome

3.)  It’s all women. it’s about settling. There are those who won’t settle for less & don’t marry, those who settle 2 soon & don’t.

4.) We are still single because we don’t know how to submit (as a whole) we are least likely to marry because we settle for dating

All great answers but what is the one thing we ALL notice??? Every answer was negative. I realized that after reading them repeatedly. None of them uplifted the black woman, just pointed out our faults. Now, I am not saying that these tweets had no truth behind them but are there not any positive reasons about why we are single? I guess not to some people. I wanted to share my feelings about why I think we are single and touch on the tweets I received.

There are several reasons that I feel we are single and most of us forever. One is that we are too headstrong. Tweet number one points that out somewhat. That person said we don’t take no mess from men. Yeah I agree to a certain extent. Sometimes, us not taking no mess turns into us not taking anything at all. We start confusing their truths with our mess. When you get to the point as to where you can’t distinguish the difference, then you are looking for a life long sentence by yourself!!! All men don’t lie!!! Accept that and stop holding them  all to it.

The baby mama syndrome was the best!!! I swear I felt she took the words right out of my mouth with that one. We settle into just being the baby mama. I really dislike that phrase but honestly, some women are just that. We don’t always LEARN how to do anything else in our relationships. The patterns we may have seen as children, sometimes carry into our adult life. I know me personally am making sure I don’t fall into this trap. We have these kids with men, with the promise of a ring and well we all know how that goes. So many women go 10 years without a ring and some get the ring but until you get the wedding you still just his baby mama. So many of my friends aquaintacies are in this horrible cycle.

Settling! Yes ma’am you were so correct with that tweet. We as BLACK women settle more than any other race if you ask me. Just like above we settle for just being the baby mama. We settle for being a sidechick. We settle for less than our worth. I already touched on this in a earlier blog. To sum it up I never can never understand how you let your guard down for men. A man is wired completely different, so for him just being in relationship or some type of committment is a huge step. Don’t just take that. If you want marriage, then speak up and say that is what you want. If he doesn’t then baby girl you need to dip out. Sometimes we marry, the wrong person. Yeah, most of you know that prior to your I Dos’ but you still do it. Why? Because you don’t want to be alone. I rather be myself than be with someone who makes me miserable.

The last tweet will not be touched on much in this blog. Why? I devoted an entire blog to it. Point blank she hit it on the nail. Submission is hard for women now days, and black women definitely struggle with this. That is all for now with that one.

So did I agree with the tweets? Yeah, I did. I wish we had some positive reasons about why we are single but being single forever is not positive if not by choice. I wish that we can learn to love us, so we can let someone else love us. That will be the first step for us. Then we have to learn to stop taking what we feel we can get. We deserve so much more than just the bums or the men who only want to call late at night. We deserve men who want to not only give us the world but give us the truth. Re-evaluate yourself and when you are done, ask yourself what do I need to change about me, so that I don’t die alone and unhappy. Matter fact ladies, black or white but black especially write down ten reasons why you are single and get back to me!! I will post mines up tomorrow. I can’t wait for the responses.



8 thoughts on “Why Are Black Women Single???

  1. Hey girl, I’m so glad you posted!!!
    I dont have a list of ten reasons why I’m single, because I am bz working on my list of ten things I want in a man and what kind of person I need to become to have my ideal man.
    But I will touch on some of the points you laid out.
    The settling is definetly an issue. When we settle we become less of a challenge to men and seeing as though men are competitive protectors and providers ,they want to “hunt” for that main woman and make sure she’s strong, physically, mentally and emotionally…..cause you know we end up having to be the backbone in the relationship whether men want to own up to it or not!
    Can you imagine if all of us women bonded together and raised the bar? men would have no choice but to submit. So I think you’re on the right track Miss JeTara with keeping your standards high.
    If you take a look at the ways other cultures date, you will find that the whole dating & marriage game is a business…meaning that along with the mushy feelings there is exchange. Exchange of respect (first off), often $$ & gifts for affection…i know that sounds like mild prostitution, but look at any black person who dates outside their race…they end up adopting the dating culture of the non-black person.
    Ok in short…respect self, demand respect…and all this analysing of why black women are single will become obsolete.
    The media only reinforces the negative…I dont believe for a second that our women are unworthy of being loved because of a few bad apples…
    Most of the black women I know are descent repsectful and beautiful..some single some not.

    • Yes I will keep my bar high. I wish all women would especially black women. We settle for so much less than we are worth and that bothers me. I wish soceity would let them know that they can have it all and love but we either learn to be a success alone or be loved and be unsuccessful. I am gonna do a post about men to and the role they need to be taking. SMH some of them are a let down also. If we all got together girl we would have fires in these mens pants. They would know that they definitely have to treat us better. I will be posting my ten reasons as to why I am single tonight!! Come back and as always thank you for commenting!! I loved your Essay!!!

  2. As a man who loves his companion aka future fiancée, wife, and mother of my child, I want to put my two and two on the situation. See I was in the dating game for a while before I met my companion. I have done wrong and I have been done wrong. I can tell you first-hand that a woman bar is not set too high, but at time too abstractly unrealistic. Some women do not evaluate the standard you set for yourself and put them in an abstract view. We as brothers and sister have lost a sense of chance, communication, understanding, half-toleration, and respect. Put those together and a relationship can come so easy that you will not see it coming. There are men (especially black men) that can put those together. Some of them are either married, engaged, or heavily dating. You have to pick the weeds to find the root of person to find a good man. There are some thing that you may not like about the guy (whether if it is he does certain things the wrong way or a habit you hate), but maybe there is a reason deep inside that you like the person. Black women are worthy of being loved, whether it is a brother or not.

    So in general, as a brother speaking for the brothers. Whoever feel that a sister is not unworthy of the marriage, I apologize for the mishaps because there are so many guy that may have the same expression I do for the sisters.

    • I really appreciate you commenting. I love that a male commented on this particular blog because sometimes as women, we need to know that you guys are still out there. I wish black women understood their worth. It is something that we all have to learn and some of us do some don’t. You are correct we have to pick the weeds out to find the rose. There are a lot of weeds out there. So sometimes we get tired of trying to find our way through and eventually just settle for a weed and eventually get stuck by a thorn. As crazy as that sounds it’s true. I hope you come back often and read. Question: Why do you think Black Men date outside their race more than women?

      • Well I guess the key word is “dating.” As far a black men dating outside their race is more like “experimenting.” Now I know you would not believe this but I have seem more black women “marry” outside the race that black men. You right about the black men “date” outside the race, but when it comes to bringing home to momma it is somewhat of a different story. The reaction should be this, ” You like it, I love it.” Just that laid back part of me.

        The ways that black men marrying outside their race is the following points, give or take:

        1. Emotionally scared by a black woman or women
        2. Raised around other races.
        3. If she fits the bill of someone that he can really spend his life.

        Other than that, the rest is just wanting to have a barbie doll trophy wife and that really don’t cut it in a relationship. Either the male or the female get hurt at the end.

        If you need any more clarification, feel free. I will keep reading your post.

      • I have always felt like black men were only “experimenting” or trying it out. I never felt that majority of them genuinely were into white women. You can’t tell them that though. I think they feel it is easier. We aren’t hard to deal with we just sometimes have more emotional baggage that carries over into the adult life. Which is not fair to him but if he is strong he can help us get through it. I know a guy who grew up around white people and therefore he prefers them out of comfort. Which is understandable. I don’t know how I really feel about it sometimes.

  3. Yes.I definately agree with jetera most of the time a ”brotha” or black man necessarily make up his mind and say okayy.im just gonna date a white asian ect. It doesn’t work that way we are drawn a lot of times to sumthin ”new” simply because the sista’s has done him dirty on many occasions.way I look at it is maybe some day that guy will meet the right lady regardless race.just don’t be soo quick to judge everyone has had there personal experiences.

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