This post is random but I felt the need to write it. I been thinking about something an “acquaintance” told me about myself recently. (The conversation wasn’t recent but the thoughts are.) They told me that, “It’s almost impossible to get to know me.” I still remember sitting on the couch shocked because what they said was true. It is impossible to have conversations with me and even worse trying to get to know me and have a relationship. Honestly, if most of you met me, I don’t think you would like me. You could ask me a million and one questions and have absolutely nothing to work with.
Now I won’t even front like I don’t purposely do this. I don’t like people knowing too much about me. But at the same time I have missed out on some great friendships because of this. I know when people are asking me personal questions, they are honestly trying to make conversation or get to know me. The weird thing is, I am starting to believe that this is a character trait I need to fix. I know that I have a fear of letting people get too “close”. I don’t like feeling attached to friendships because you never know how they will end up. I want to find the root of the problem and fast.
I guess I am rambling to say, this year I will work on my relationships with people. I will let them connect with me because I know some people genuinely want to. I will start expressing what I feel because that is another character trait I have that needs work. I can express everyone’s feelings through my writings but my own. My blog will become more personal because this is an outlet for me to tell what I feel. Plus I know that some of the people who want in, reads it. This year I have to stop holding things in. I am gonna start telling people what I am feeling instead of just holding it all back.
Ugh I’m done writing for now because I am starting to feel some type of way.