If Halle and Stacey Can’t Keep A Man…

I still sure can. Halle and Stacey have nothing to do with me having a man. Recently, Halle has been on the blogs for her break up with the father of her child, Gabriel Aubry. A few women felt as if Halle couldn’t stay in a relationship then there was no hope for the rest of us… Honey, physical beauty means nothing if your personality doesn’t match up. And obviously Halle and Stacey lack something else besides beauty. Watch the video below to see why Stacey has struggled to stay in a relationship.

This video and Halle’s new headlines were great ways for me to answer the question I posted MONTHS ago about validation. Stacey in her interview said that, she always needed a man to define who SHE was. That was interesting to me that she was able to admit that. A lot of women would hate to admit that they may rely on men for approval or definition. Some may not even be aware that they do. Her and Halle, IMO, are perfect examples of beautiful women searching for approval from the opposite sex. I don’t know what happened in their relationships but we can all tell there is something on the inside of them that needs a little work.

It took me a looooong time to write this post. I was so gung-ho about doing this when I asked you guys the twitter/fb question. Then something happened, I evaluated myself and thought about if I ever looked for validation or definition from a man. I came to the conclusion that I have and still do. See, my question just wasn’t about the men we date or marry; it was also about fathers. (No one caught that either, I even worded it so people just wouldn’t limit their answers to relationships.) For me I have wanted the approval of my father for years but never received it.

So I felt I couldn’t write this post HONESTLY without being truthful with myself. I didn’t want to try to give advice or even an opinion because I had a lot of issues within myself that I needed to deal with. Now have they been completely taken care of? No!! But now I know for a fact that I have them. I know that even though it’s not a “dating relationship” it’s still a search for someone to want or accept me.

To me, when you are searching for something you overlook the powers and love you have within. Me looking for him all these years caused me to have failed relationships (mainly friendships), not having the want to even be in one and questioning would I be good enough to make someone else happy. See when you are searching it can mean that you don’t know who YOU are. I had to figure out who Je’Tara was with or without him. Which was not easy. But once I did (which is how I can write this), I found out that I didn’t need his approval and if he never reached out it was alright. I would be WHOLE regardless.

So I guess this is all to say, women if you are searching (please don’t lie to yourself and say you aren’t, a lot of you do) check yourself and ask why do you need their approval? Why do you feel the need to have a man define you? What will you do if no man ever does? Even if it’s your father, what will you do if he never reaches out to you? Don’t let life go to waste because you are looking for someone to “love” you. Don’t wait around for a man to want and need you because as long as you are looking for it, it will never happen. You don’t want to be one of those women who does things for “attention”. I look at so many young girls who are so provocative or seductive and wonder who and what are they desiring or looking for?

Back to Halle for a second. When I saw those comments I was surprised that people believed what they were saying. There was a flood of comments on these blogs saying that there was no hope for us “regular” women. GIRL… You better calm it down. What does Halle have to do with you? How do you know that she isn’t crazy, stalkerish, has low self-esteem, obsessive or controlling? Why would you measure you WORTH by someone else’s? Halle been married several times and relationships we won’t even count. So obviously there is something about her. I mean really I was annoyed, hurt and bothered by their comments but it made me realize we as women, have a long ways to go. SMH I’ll be praying for my sistahs. (all of the colors)

Give your answers to the questions and your thoughts.


(Hey one promised post down! One more to go. Nigga {that’s the other one.})


11 thoughts on “If Halle and Stacey Can’t Keep A Man…

  1. Men identify themselves by the job they have and women identify themselves by the relationship status they are in. There is nothing wrong with these women. It is just the unconscious thing women do to define themselves and gain social status.

    Married Women are top of the totum pole.
    Engaged Women are below them.
    Divorced women are here.
    Women with boyfriends.
    Women Dating
    single women are at the bottum of the heap.


  2. Halle has nothing to do with who any other woman is. She’s beautiful on the outside, but do we know her behind closed doors? I kept hearing a reggae song in my head, “…pretty face and bad character…” – Murder She Wrote, Chaka Demus & Pliers

    I’m not saying Halle’s character is “bad”, but beauty isn’t all and she’s a prime example of this. Some of these women move on way too fast and that’s their problem. Take time for yourself and evaluate what went wrong and how to change that. Celebs seem to jump from one bed to another. Hope this time, for her child’s sake, she’ll slow down before moving on to the next.

  3. I think its so important for women to STOP comparing themselves to other women. We are all connected but unique at the same time. I also agree Je’Tara that it is important to recognize that the issue any of us have with MEN is more than skin deep.
    I’m glad I didnt come across any of those Halle/Stacey blogs…what foolishness to fill a beautiful young black woman’s mind with for real?!
    Why do we spend time on issues like this? It never fails to amaze me!
    Its cool to reflect but I’m all about solutions…so we are aware that we need validation from men…how can we then validate ourselves? I’m so pleased to see that you are progressing J ..tell em!!

  4. Interesting hearing you ladies speak on this. Whats even more interesting is how so much is put on Halle and very little mention of the men. I honestly think if these men wanted to be “kept” they would be. More so then comparing to Halle I view the overall entertainment world as so far outside reality that any comparison to it becomes damaging. These people lives without the stress of financial concern and gettin’ by that we do but in turn have more issues then many of us know.

    Keeping a man isn’t some grand mystery as it keeps getting made out to be. Lets put the time in to see just who this person is, stop giving a guy everything then being surprised that he loses interest, get the cycle of life back in order. Meet, grow, love, join in union and build a family. Stop going in reverse. Meet, fuck, have a kid……who how are again?

    There will always be hope for us all.Just have to get back to common sense.

    • I focused on the women because they are the ones being talked about. But I do agree a lot of people skip the essentials. They don’t get to know each other but instead just jump right into it. My whole point of the post was for women not to compare themselves to women like Stacey and Halle. Not to compare beautiful women with having an easier time at finding love. Then I wanted to talk about validation how some women will never be happy unless they have a man.

  5. Part of the problem of the beautiful people having lasting relationships could be as stacy dash stated, needing validation of their beauty. But as every woman knows waking up beautiful everyday is a chore. I know from personal experience that if someone is told that they are beautiful all the time, they expect this reassurance constantly and seek approval from men as they grow older, because they feel that beauty is all that they have, all that they concentrate on. However beauty fades so it is better to have intelligence and goals to define you cause oil of olay can only do so much.

    • LOL Right Olay can only do so much for the skin. Beauty does fade and if you aren’t comfortable with yourself, then you will always need others to tell you how great you are! Thanks for commenting!!

  6. Very interesting! It was interesting to hear what Stacey had to say… Hmm sex on all of your first dates? 6 engagements? 3 marriages? Longest marriage – 2 years? Ok, with all of that information, something is clearly wrong.

    I guess alot of people do just look at the outward appearance and think that just because someone is “beautiful” everything in their life is perfect! Thats def not always the case.

    I am glad that Stacey has “found herself” and Im also so glad she hasnt slept with Jamie! LOL, he seems to be a gentleman anyway. Prayerfully, they can build something beautiful.

    As for your comment about not wanting to write a blog because you wanted to be completely honest, I think that its ok to write a blog in such cases. Yeah, you’re trying to give the world advice, but it can also be therapy for yourself to help you go through what you’re going through! I am also glad that you have “found yourself”! Amen!

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