I don’t know if you guys saw the Smith Family on Oprah this past month but it was really a good episode. I know I am uber late because maybe if I had posted earlier you could have seen the video for it. Any who I’ll try to give you a little review before I get into my post.
The entire family was there. Jada and Will discussed marriage, family and the kids. They discussed how they keep their marriage spicy and how they discipline their children. The kids did their thing and spoke on what they were doing. Yada yada yada. I think it was only thirty minutes long. One thing ALWAYS sticks out to me when they are on Oprah. Trey’s mom (Will ex-wife and his oldest son) is always with them.
I remember years ago they were on the show and she sat in the audience (now y’all know Jada ain’t letting her sit on the couch) and they explained the way their family worked. Jada explained how both of them had to put their egos aside and become friends for Trey. She told Oprah how they would have family dinners and Sheree (the ex) would be in attendance. She explained how they had to build a relationship with each other and include her on everything concerning Trey because that was the only way it would work. They felt it was more about him than it was about their own personal issues.
Same with this last visit. Each time Sheree gives her two cents and she basically says the same thing. She never speaks too long but I feel that it’s a genuine friendship and RESPECT between these two. Which brings me to the point of this post. When you get married to someone who already has a ready-made family, you have to be ready for everything that is gonna come with it.
I had the Lunatic step-mom/biological mom situation. So I witnessed first hand how STUPID women can be when they aren’t ready for this responsibility. When you decide to marry someone who has this “baggage” realize that you take on EVERYTHING about that person. You aren’t just marrying him/her but you marry the kids, the family and THE EX. I think so many men/women get into these relationships un-prepared and un-aware of the responsibility they are gonna have to take on.
No one is sitting down and talking to each other before hand. Instead the other person gets married, then the child and ex meet the new family and ish hits the fan. By then it’s too late because emotions are high. If the relationship is anything like the nuts I have dealt with, the man is lying about the other woman; going back and forth being messy. SMH So there is almost no room for a friendship or at least some type of relationship to get them through.
For me I was dealing with nut cases (literally) and regardless of what they thought, their relationships played a HUGE part in my upbringing. So I know other kids get affected by it also. The situation can be harmful to a child. So before you run off and marry someone with kids or you already have your own set, make sure you are prepared for everything. Make sure you both sit down and talk with each other about it. MAKE SURE YOU TAKE THE TIME TO EXPLAIN TO THE CHILDREN THE CHANGES THAT ARE HAPPENING. You aren’t just marrying that one person but everybody and everything that comes with them.
You better make sure you ready for jealousy on both ends also. If you think the ex is jealous, chile believe when I say the current might be more jealous of the ex and the child. *shrugs* I am being so serious. So many have this situation where the new wife is jealous of the child. (not saying that was my situation. *rolls eyes*.) Where she is struggling to get past the point of not being first or having his first child. Then she be saying all kinds of ignorant ish. SMH it happens. Don’t think she is not talking slick to your kids because she is. LOL she is.
Be ready for the arguments and fights. The eye rolling and name calling. All that good ni**atry. Seriously tho, try to build friendships with each other. In the beginning it may seem stupid but you will see how well it works in the end. Even though she may be the ex, include her on decisions you may make with each other about the child. Especially when the child may live with the dad and step idiot mom I meant mom. SMH (The devil be in my fingers sometimes. Get thee behind me Satan. LOL.)
What I am saying is MAKE IT WORK! You may not get were the Smiths are but never let the child see the tension or the insecurities. It can work trust me. IF you work at it. I know the Smiths didn’t get there over night but they eventually did. Now they are able to be around each other (from what we see) and not bicker or make faces at each other showing their disgust.
I would never want to be a step-mom. If I have to I will do all I can to make sure that me and her sit down prior to the nuptials. Because if not, my marriage will be stressed, I will be stressed and most important the child will be stressed and Je’Tara don’t want no kids having f’d up lives because of me. Because it’s all about them in the end anyway. So take caution before you jump into it and you will be fine. Because most of the ex’s would have no problem with the new woman if she came in correctly.
Oh yeah I was trying to find pictures of Jada and Sheree and couldn’t but I found this!
Sheree got married in 07 and the little girl on the right is Will and Jada’s daughter Willow. Jaden and Trey were in the wedding also. Like I said you may not get this far but this proves that it’s possible for families to blend and do it beautifully with so much class and elegance. They are my favorite family. I swear!
GO HERE for the rest of the wedding pics!
This isn’t all about my situation. I have seen enough “blended families” to write this. Trust you can tell when I am talking about me. LOL I know my dad and uncle read this. It’s all love.